Anger Not Good

So Long 2011, I hardly knew you

2011-12-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

Well 2011 is just about done. I think I may have reduced my anger outbursts this year...thank you Jesus. I know it. I have to deal with this not on a day to day basis, but it seems like I need to check myself every fifteen minutes. Of course I am willing to do just about anything as long as my baggage doesn't permanently rub off on my kids. I am praying for the destruction of the generational sin from my family tree, My dad is just doing what his dad did. and I am hoping it stops with me. Today.

Lies,..All Lies!

2010-07-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Why do people have this on their voice mail? "Hi, sorry I missed you. Please leave your name and number, time you called and I will get back to you as soon as possible. If this is an emergency, hang up and call 911." Okay, where do I start? Are you really sorry? Then call me back. Leave my name and number? Thank you for that phone etiquette tip. Why would I call and not leave my name? You have my number. Call me back. So you're going to call me as soon as possible, huh? It's been three days. You are not that busy. No one is that busy. You should have told me that it takes quite a bit of time for you to return calls because you are selfish and lazy. Why do you want the time? Get a watch. Is it so that you can know precisely the time you ignored me? Call me back. And please, really? Hang up and call 911? Thanks for the help. You really went out on a limb with that helpful tidbit. Just call me back!

Moving Research

2010-07-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

We're considering relocating. The thought of putting all of our stuff in boxes and labeling them and the garbage, it's overwhelming. A family can get a good idea of their carbon footprint when they move. There's a lot of, "why did we keep this?" I am dreading the whole ordeal, especially the part where I have to find a legit moving company. Last time we moved I was so worried about being ripped off. as it turned out the guys who did it were awesome. But that was across town. This move will be 1300 miles or more. I just tried to get a quote from PODS and the whole time I'm feeling like I am stepping into a database that will take years to extricate myself from. Why do they need so much information? Can't you just give me a standard quote without seeming like you're doing me a favor by "personalizing" my move quote? Please don;t pester me with hollow follow ups.

What Ever Happened to "Excuse Me?"

2010-06-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

I just signed up for my free, daily two hours of Starbucks wifi. On the way over I was worried that there wouldn't be a seat available when I got there. Every time I go in that place there's not a seat to be had. When I walked in, there was an entire couch...empty. Could it be true? I ordered my coffee and lo and behold I was home free. About ten minutes into my bliss, this lady shows up and starts to muscle in on my couch. She's jacking my messenger bag and getting herself comfortable and all the while not a stinkin "excuse me" in the bunch. Hey, it's not a crime to be polite! Maybe you could acknowledge me. No, not here...at Starbucks. That would be akin to saying I have a right to exist. It drives me absolutely batty. And then the other day I held the door open for my wife and kids, and another guy found his way in and his whole family and...nothing! What? Do you think I work here at the door? Common courtesy, what ever happened to it? The "excuse me" era is over with. I would write more, but I don;t want to be late for bible study.

Neighbors

2010-06-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

I have this new guy upstairs and I think he has a horse. He runs around with ankle weights or something. Dude! There are actually people living below you. Across the hall the late night party people can't seem to get the idea that other people might be sleeping past ten PM. It's a hallway. There is an echo! Down by the washer/dryer our local rock star insists on smoking the herb all day. Nothing like a little second hand smoke to make a guy queasy. trying to explain the smell to my four year old is just the challenge I need. Where are the normal people?

ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-02T02:09:00.000-07:00

I really got tee'd up the other day and I'm not even going to mention what it was the got me tee'd . It does not matter. What is important is the fact that it is something that is recurring. It is not going away in the foreseeable future. And yet, knowing this I still let this thing...this thing that has happened hundreds of times over the course of my life...I let this thing get me upset. After which I felt like such a rookie. Aren't we supposed to learn from experience? I saw this coming and I still let it get to me. So the past few weeks I've been wondering what it is I'm trying to accomplish here. If my own tools are exposed as feeble then how can I hope to be of any help to you? I'm angry that I still get angry at things I shouldn't get angry about. What a vicious cycle? "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do." Rom 7:15

...and the answer is no. I'm not over this anger thing.

2010-06-01T01:04:00.000-07:00

It's 2010 and a half! Hooray! This is the year! I stopped making new years resolutions 15 years ago. I just did. I had become so out of touch with my life that I didn't feel there was anything major I needed to be resolute about. I didn't need to lose weight. I didn't need to stop smoking. I didn't need to try and be a better person. I just needed to make more money. So every year my resolution was to be more disciplined and to work more efficiently. But this year, I have resolutions. I have pages of them! So now, six months in, I will revisit my list. Number one on the list: I am going to beat down the anger that has consumed so much of my life. I will grab it like an attack dog and shake it mercilessly until it is subdued into unconsciousness and then I will stomp it into a satisfactory pulp. Once that has been executed then I will be happier! Yes I will. I will embrace God's plan. I will run arms wide open into God's will for me and for my family. Of course I will work harder, but this year I will attempt to dedicate every ounce of life, every iota of living...this year I vow that every single moment will be premeditated to pleasing my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My work, my family, every breath I take will be for Him. Come here 2010 and a half and let me give you a hug.

Been Away

2010-05-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

The past three months have been a roller coaster of anger and normalcy and more anger over getting angry. But before I go on, I want to respond to a comment by ajackgreen. This was not intended as a public forum. I never expected that anyone would navigate to the page. I used poor grammar in the name "anger not good" just to be sure that it wouldn't accidentally get flagged. That said, I don't consider my experiences to be of any interest to anyone. I merely thought this would be a way to vent without having to journal. You need not come here looking for wisdom or venom. My neighbors upstairs moved out.

Anger Not Good

2010-05-30T14:06:00.001-07:00

It's just after lunch and I have yet to have an irrational reaction to anything today. Wow, am I changing? I have a two year old and she is certainly capable of rattling my cage. She generally has a contrary nature about her. But we have been practicing being nice and kind. Nice and kind. My neighbors upstairs have a daily ritual of sweeping their balcony free of either dirt from a planter or cat litter over the side and down onto our patio. I want to go upstairs and knock on the door and ask in a passive/aggressive manner if they are getting stuff from above them? But instead, I merely cleaned up the dirt, wiped off my new grill and let it be. A normal, daily occurrence for some, that being interaction with a neighbor, but for me, it is a dare from my sinful nature to rage and rage magnificently. I don't take the bait. Of course, there are still plenty of hours left today, so I keep on my guard.

Stillness

2010-05-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

As I look back on the first half of this year I am thankful at the blessings that God has given me and my family and my friends and my church. And then, my mind starts to drift. I start to think about all of my missed opportunities and the hours I wasted watching Sportscenter and playing solitaire. Then I get angry at my lack of focus. I can't seem to concentrate on one thing for an extended period of time. Seriously, this is no joke. I can't stay on topic for an extended period of time. The worst thing is, this happens quite often when I am praying. I'm trying to lay my heart out and I can't keep my mind focused on Him. I know He knows me...but I just want to be able to thank Him without thinking about flight times and the movie I saw last night. "Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 - I want to be still. I try to be still. I can't just be still. Why can't I be still?! I just want to focus on Him and not me. I want to be still. For the next five minutes, I will be still.

Road Rage

2010-05-04T00:58:00.000-07:00

I was driving my three year old home from a field trip yesterday. A perfectly normal thing for a father to do. I was coming to a complete stop, checking the cross traffic and doing all of things a parent does that they never did pre-children. Most people take a few liberties with the traffic laws. That is until a child comes along. It's then you realize how import it is to be safe. You have their fragile, energetic little lives at ten and two. So the light turns green and these guys, these punks get up in my back seat and speed around my left. They went into oncoming traffic just to get around Captain Safety. They proceeded to burn through the next two stop signs until coming to a stop at the red. A few moments later I pulled along side of them. I shouldn't have looked. I told myself not to pay them any attention. But I did. I always do. And I had barely forced a sneer and they set to mocking me and yelling at me - like, "what are you going to do about it old man!" So I threw a rolled up napkin at the car. That's all I had. My daughter has a cold and I just wiped her nose. So I chucked it. Maybe I should have looked around for a penny or a pen or a rock - but I didn't think, I just reacted - and threw the tissue. It still could have done a lot of damage. The germs if introduced into a pristine environment could cause a stuffy nose and/or coughing. And I didn't just chuck it - I chucked it with bad intentions. Well they started yelling all the more and now satisfied that I had stimulated an appropriate reaction, I turned right and continued home. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?! Why did such a careless and foreseeable act get me so agitated? What do I care how they drive? Why did it make me so angry? Anyone?